Dog saliva as medicine for…..’growling’? Homeopathy – the perfect script for a Black Comedy.

Let’s face it. Homeopaths have an excellent sense of humour and thumbs-up for their superb acting abilities. Because of their truly unique skills-set, some people have suggested that they are not really acting at all, but that they are visitors from a parallel universe. Be as it may, there is something amiss, because very few people from our universe would be able to keep a straight face while explaining to a patient that taking homeopathic dog shit will help against their ‘self-disgust’. Or that a remedy made from condoms will ease their feelings ‘of being restricted’ (cure claustrophobia). Recently there was even a Canadian homeopath, ‘Dr’ Anke Zimmermann, who prescribed dog saliva to a child that growled (behavioural problems). They are a funny bunch, and clearly, they have a thing for dogs, so I just don’t know, I have to go with the parallel universe theorem.

Alternative zoo
A typical zoo in the parallel universe of homeopaths

The list of their weird remedies just goes on and on – it is just out of this world. How about homeopathic remedies made from a Black hole (yes, homeopaths have visited), English sun (apparently the sun actually shines in their England), water diluted in, yes, water or…… here are some weeeeeird things they prescribe as ‘medicine’. This by itself should be enough for Hollywood to at least investigate the possibility of producing a comedy. It would however be best to cast real homeopaths (how about it ‘Dr’ Zimmerman?) because I don’t think any human being will be able to play the part. But then again, maybe Gwyneth Paltrow? or if the producers wants a documentary style comedy, maybe HRH Prince of Wales (but are we sure that they are from our universe?)

Fringe Series 2 Episode 1 - A new Day In An Old Town
Homeopaths also have a thing for cows. Here we witness the celebration after the first successful production of the homeopathic remedy ‘Excrementum vaccinum’. (English: cow dung)

What is homeopathy? Well, it is a hoax that’s been around for about 200 years. You dilute any substance you can think of into oblivion, including imaginary substances, and then you sell it as medicine – simple, (in)effective and highly profitable. Hundreds of years ago the healthcare system was pretty much non-existent and patients admitted to ‘hospital’ were more likely to die than patients who stayed at home. The reason for this? Healthcare was so terrible that your body had to fight the disease as well as the healthcare system, so it was far less risky to just stay at home.

Bloodletting, as a cure all, comes to mind (cause of death of the former American president George Washington) but also the eye watering tendency to drill holes in peoples’ skulls (trepanation) to cure whatever. As the theory goes the possibility exist that during one of these drilling exercises a patient, screaming in anguish, hit the exact note and volume that it ribbed a hole in the fabric that separates our universes. This is seen as day zero when homeopaths entered our universe and started with the practice of giving patients, zero, as medicine. This is also the likely reason why we can buy homeopathic remedies made from various musical notes (day zero is still celebrated in April each year during Homeopathy Awareness Week.)

Because homeopathic remedies contain zero, a sick person only had to fight the disease. Add to this the well-known placebo effect and it is understandable that people actually thought that it was effective. So, at the time the results were good – no, not really, one should rather say the results of ‘conventional healthcare’ was terrible, but nevertheless, this counterintuitive notion gave these visitors a foot in the door.

homeopathic bicycle
A homeopath illustrating how cycling works in their universe.

Now we are 200 years later. The disease model (disease caused by bacteria, viruses, mutations, ect.) antibiotics and other life-saving medicines and surgical interventions have been developed and is continuously being improved. Science has made huge progress and although not perfect, modern healthcare has brought us tremendous benefits whilst homeopathy is still zero – there has been absolutely no progress whatsoever.

But now for the black part of this comedy. The reason why homeopaths are here is unclear. Some suggest that the portal is only one-way and they simply cannot get back while others have proposed that they have a far more sinister agenda. They were send here to destroy our universe. If you think about it, what is the most powerful weapon out there? It’s not a nuke, it is confusion, and spreading confusion is the one thing that homeopaths excel at. For example: in our universe we have a thing called ‘dose-response curve’ – which in plain language means that a bigger quantity of a specific substance will have a bigger biological effect, up to a point where you overdose and die. But they advocate the exact opposite – the smaller the quantity the bigger the effect. It’s like saying the less money I have the richer I am.

cooking
Some suggest that homeopaths are here because cooking is apparently quite difficult in their universe

This implies that the more you dilute a substance the bigger the chance that you might overdose and die, something that has actually been tested when hundreds of people deliberately ‘overdosed’ in protest against politicians and regulators. No biological effect was observed and the call was made to ban these imposters and their ridiculous remedies. But homeopaths are on a mission and they have steadily infiltrated the political elite and the regulators since their arrival 200 years ago.

It is quite easy to see which politicians are from the other side. Politicians saying one thing and doing the exact opposite is in all likelihood from over there. Regulators claiming that they are here to protect the public against fake medicine and then allow these fake medicines to be sold unchecked, have also been infiltrated and are aiding homeopaths to achieve their mission objectives.

Boris
Politicians from the other side are sometimes quite easy to spot.

The results of their mission thus far are that more and more people are turning their backs on evidence-based healthcare (of great concern is the growing number of anti-vaxxers) even though many people got hurt and unfortunately many died – and this is the very black part of this comedy. Politicians and regulators seemingly does not give a hoot and finds it okay when adults die at the hands of homeopaths. But sometimes they do act, but only sometimes, and then only when children got hurt or died.

To test and see if they have also infiltrated our bastions of knowledge a.k.a. universities, I popped an email to the Department of Homeopathy, University of Johannesburg. In theory they should be studying why people from our universe continue to fall for homeopathy and they should advise against using it. So, I asked them for some advice about what to give my 7yo son before we enter a malaria region. The answer from UJ, who also runs a Homeopathic clinic for orphans in Soweto, was that I can buy a remedy at a local pharmacy that contains – nothing! Well, to be honest, I first had to translate because sometimes they still speak in their Alien language. So here are their exact ‘words’:

“Arnica montana D30 Arsenicum alb 6ch, 12ch Cinchona off 6ch, 12ch Eupatorium perf 6ch, 30ch Chininum ars 12ch, 30ch Ferrum met 12ch Malaria off 30ch Ledum palustre 30ch”

Some English in there but for the rest gibberish. Fully translated it simply means ‘nothing’. So clearly UJ has been infiltrated (they also have a chiropractic department).

Another university is Western Sydney University and specifically the National Institute of Complementary Medicine (NICM). I have long known that most people working at the NICM are from somewhere else – they are not from our world (because of their weirdness they’ve won the Bent Spoon award in 2017). But what was quite surprising was that they have actually taken over the whole management of the University. Highlighting the issues at the NICM was met with a ‘we could not care less’ attitude. They even promoted the NICM to become a fully-fledged ‘health institute’ from where they are continuing to spread confusion into the world. They have even managed to infiltrate the World Health Organisation who now recommends homeopathy to be integrated with conventional medicine.

So, there we have it. Homeopaths are everywhere and they have no plans to go back to where they came from. We are stuck with some very funny homeopaths and their hilarious ‘remedies’, but at the same time, also the tragedies that plays out in many homes across the globe. For me a very good script for a black comedy, but I am afraid that stopping this madness will be as difficult as finding a portal and sending these quacks back to their universe.

‘Celebrity’ endorsements! The NICM seeking Royal endorsement using their ‘faked’ ERA ranking!

Nooo waaay!! If Gwyneth Paltrow can promote that, then surely, I can promote some of my very own quackery! Don’t call me a snake oil salesman, look at Gwyneth, she is selling ‘psychic vampire repellent’ and ‘jade eggs’ – my quackery is not nearly as crackpot as that, and, she gets away with it!

And off they go, endorsing and promoting everything from water as effective medicine, to jade eggs to be; “used by women…. [to be inserted, you know where] ….to help connect the second chakra (the heart) and yoni for optimal self-love and well-being.” And, yes, psychic vampire repellent to ‘banish bad vibes and shield you from the people who may be causing them.’ Celebrity endorsements, using social status to (un)intentionally mislead the public, and in some cases, enrich themselves even further!

Pure quackery, but whatever these Demi-gods endorse, usually result in a large number of worshippers to blindly follow. Their faith is so blind, that they will even give their own children water as medicine. Unfortunately, but also predictably, some children die as a result, but apparently, this is a small price to pay in order to appease these Demi-gods. But luckily, there are a number of brave warriors (or scientists) who are standing up for science, understands social responsibility, and openly question the validity and motives of these apostles of quackery.  And you need to be brave, because this can backfire depending on the unique powers and influence of the Demi-god in question. As was illustrated by Prof Edzard Ernst, after he publicly, but fairly, called a Demi-god a snake oil salesman.

As for Gwyneth Paltrow, she is merrily continuing to promote the most bizarre healthcare rubbish via her company Goop. Her beauty, apparently,  has a hypnotic effect on her followers because they just continue to buy whatever she conjures up. At least, she won this year’s inaugural Rusty Razor award for “the ‘best’ promoter of the ‘worst pseudoscience of the year.” Well done, Gwyneth, although this will probably only strengthen the resolve of her followers.

In the picture above there is also a banner that seemingly does not fit the ‘bigger’ picture; “Excellence in Research for Australia” (ERA). The reason for this is because celebrity endorsement of quackery tends to attract the attention of a very ‘special’ kind of person – the promotional ‘scientist’. It is, in fact, a vicious circle. Quackery generates a lot of money, which partly flows into the coffers of ‘willing’ universities who provides further ‘scientific’ endorsement of quackery (much appreciated by the celebrities), and this, in turn, leads to an increase in sales – and round we go.  These promotional scientists actively seek endorsements from celebrities or royalty such as Prince Charles, and they pursue any opportunity to make this reality – an excellent way of spending public money! Endorsements gives them, and the quackery that they peddle, (undue) credibility and legitimacy, but at least it leads to increased sales – and that is what it is all about.

And this brings me to the National Institute of Complementary Medicine (NICM), Australia, who actively sought the endorsement of the Prince of Wales to become their patron. Here is an excerpt of the NICMs attempts, written by Prof Alan Bensoussan;

“I understand that HRH The Prince of Wales is a keen advocate of integrated healthcare and of proven complementary treatments and therapies.  His goals align substantially with those of NICM, which seeks to build an evidence-based complementary medicines sector in Australia and more broadly. Subject to the approval of HRH The Prince of Wales, I envisage that the role of patron would be to officially endorse NICM, for example, by the inclusion of letters written by HRH The Prince of Wales on the NICM website and in seminal publications.”

The words ‘proven’ and ‘evidence-based’ is somewhat out of place, because both the NICM and Prince Charles continue to promote debunked homeopathy (water as medicine against malaria etc.) and a lot of other crackpot treatments, so, these words are meaningless coming from the NICM.

But there is another type of endorsement that they actively pursue. And that is being endorsed by a respected organisation, such as the World Health Organisation (WHO), or in this case, the Australian Research Council (ARC), which manages the ERA scheme (the NICM does have a man on the inside at the WHO, but more about this at a later stage). Under the ERA scheme, universities submit their research outputs and based on this data they receive a ranking out of 5 for a specific field of research. In the NICMs case, they were ranked in the “Complementary and Alternative medicine” field of research in both the 2012 and 2015 rounds, and they are currently submitting data for the 2018 round.  This is what the NICM told Prince Charles;

“We are the only Australian complementary medicine research centre to receive a ranking of 5 in the Commonwealth Excellence in Research for Australia exercise – signalling research well above world standard.”

So, clearly the NICM has been endorsed by the ARC under their ERA scheme, and indeed they did receive the highest ranking of 5, in both the 2012 and 2015 rounds, which they now use to lobby for further recognition and endorsement from celebrities or royalty. They even managed to legitimise traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) in Australia using this ARC endorsement, and they are currently building a TCM hospital in the heart of Sydney. This is dangerous, because many people will get hurt, or might even die, because of ineffective fake healthcare systems such as TCM. Here is one example, where the NICM was indirectly involved in the death of a 6yo boy.

But there is a problem with the ERA endorsement. Having first-hand knowledge of the promotional research that the NICM conducts, there is no way in this world that they can or should receive a ranking of 5, so, clearly there is a discrepancy somewhere. For example; below is an abstract of one of their ‘scientific’ articles that was reviewed by the ARC, and you’ll be excused if you think that it was written by Gwyneth Paltrow;

This case report describes a 25-year-old woman who presented with nausea and vomiting (NVP) in her seventh week of pregnancy. The treatment was not successful overall and resulted in both patient and practitioner losing confidence. The following reflective questions challenged my practice and led to an examination of what makes acupuncture work. – Why, after a course of acupuncture, did the nausea and vomiting continue? – What led to a loss of confidence in the effectiveness of acupuncture to treat this ailment? Multiple traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) research reviews show some benefit for nausea and dry retching using acupressure and acupuncture, and limited results for vomiting. Despite this, I found that my confidence was undermined by being out of touch with my own inner knowing or Yi. I needed to encourage the patient (‘Laura’) to take more responsibility for her own health and we both needed clarity around the treatment result expected.

This is not something that you’ll expect from a university in Australia – especially not if they are ranked ‘well above world standard’. The fact that case reports (there is more than one) are ineligible to be submitted as a scientific article is an issue (ERA guidelines section 5.4.8.5 page 41), but I believe the contents of their work is a far bigger problem – it is pure and unadulterated pseudoscience! But this isn’t even the biggest problem. The NICM submitted 89 scientific articles for review in the 2012 round, and 151 articles in the 2015 round. Of the 89 articles, close to 50% was not produced by the NICM and in the 2015 round, close to 25% of articles was produced by other universities. This is not only completely unethical, this, in my view, is fraud. You cannot take the work of others and claim it as your own – just imagine what will happen if you do something like this on your CV! (here is a full list of the NICMs articles – interesting stuff).

But what does the ERA guidelines say about this? Well, to be honest, nothing. I could not find any information in the guidelines, clearly stating that they were allowed to do this. The ARC, and the expert committee members who reviewed the NICMs application, was contacted for clarification, but unfortunately only the ARC responded, and none of the 25 committee members. The answer from the ARC was also somewhat vague;

“Therefore if you review the individual outputs of a specific unit of evaluation within a university they may not all have a publication association listed but could still be within the submission guidelines.”

So, there appears to be an unwritten rule which ‘allowed’ the NICM to submit the work of others as their own – a typical loophole? And what better way to identify these loopholes than to serve on the expert committee reviewing these applications? As expected, the director of the NICM, Alan Bensoussan did indeed serve on the expert committee in 2010, where he, as an expert promotional scientist, identified the loopholes which they exploited in full, during the 2012/2015 rounds. But, this is only true if this is indeed a loophole, otherwise, it is plain and simple fraud! But, to be honest, I could not care less what the ERA guidelines say, it is never okay to take another person’s work! Because what example do you give students, and what about the international universities who have now unwittingly contributed to the legitimisation of dangerous pseudoscientific healthcare systems in Australia?

For example. Leiden University has ‘contributed’ 7 scientific articles towards WSU’s scientific output – obviously without them knowing about it. The authors of these articles worked at Leiden university while being paid by the Dutch taxpayer! And at the time, they were completely unaware even of the existence of the NICM or WSU. But, unfortunately, without them knowing about it, they have now assisted these ‘scientists’ at WSU to promote quackery. I am convinced that Leiden University, and the many other universities who are involved, will not appreciate this.

Although this issue is still unfolding, and there are still a lot of questions to be answered, it just again shows that almost everything that pseudoscientists do, is misleading or false. They will even mislead celebrities or royalty from whom they seek their highly valuable endorsements. And this does not bode well, because the NICM who has extensively used their ERA ranking to lobby the Australian and Chinese governments, has managed to strike a deal with China and, in effect, has legitimised TCM in Australia.

So, if you suspect that this practice is widespread at Australian universities, you can always request the information from the ARC under a Freedom of Information Act (section 6.4, page 69). And if you are an academic considering taking up a job at an Australian university, be careful, because they might just stick you in a dark hole and use your extensive publication record as part of their own scientific outputs – this might be the only reason why the hired you! But let’s hope that this fraud is limited to the NICM, and not a widespread phenomenon.

Much more to come on this issue.