Dog saliva as medicine for…..’growling’? Homeopathy – the perfect script for a Black Comedy.

Let’s face it. Homeopaths have an excellent sense of humour and thumbs-up for their superb acting abilities. Because of their truly unique skills-set, some people have suggested that they are not really acting at all, but that they are visitors from a parallel universe. Be as it may, there is something amiss, because very few people from our universe would be able to keep a straight face while explaining to a patient that taking homeopathic dog shit will help against their ‘self-disgust’. Or that a remedy made from condoms will ease their feelings ‘of being restricted’ (cure claustrophobia). Recently there was even a Canadian homeopath, ‘Dr’ Anke Zimmermann, who prescribed dog saliva to a child that growled (behavioural problems). They are a funny bunch, and clearly, they have a thing for dogs, so I just don’t know, I have to go with the parallel universe theorem.

Alternative zoo
A typical zoo in the parallel universe of homeopaths

The list of their weird remedies just goes on and on – it is just out of this world. How about homeopathic remedies made from a Black hole (yes, homeopaths have visited), English sun (apparently the sun actually shines in their England), water diluted in, yes, water or…… here are some weeeeeird things they prescribe as ‘medicine’. This by itself should be enough for Hollywood to at least investigate the possibility of producing a comedy. It would however be best to cast real homeopaths (how about it ‘Dr’ Zimmerman?) because I don’t think any human being will be able to play the part. But then again, maybe Gwyneth Paltrow? or if the producers wants a documentary style comedy, maybe HRH Prince of Wales (but are we sure that they are from our universe?)

Fringe Series 2 Episode 1 - A new Day In An Old Town
Homeopaths also have a thing for cows. Here we witness the celebration after the first successful production of the homeopathic remedy ‘Excrementum vaccinum’. (English: cow dung)

What is homeopathy? Well, it is a hoax that’s been around for about 200 years. You dilute any substance you can think of into oblivion, including imaginary substances, and then you sell it as medicine – simple, (in)effective and highly profitable. Hundreds of years ago the healthcare system was pretty much non-existent and patients admitted to ‘hospital’ were more likely to die than patients who stayed at home. The reason for this? Healthcare was so terrible that your body had to fight the disease as well as the healthcare system, so it was far less risky to just stay at home.

Bloodletting, as a cure all, comes to mind (cause of death of the former American president George Washington) but also the eye watering tendency to drill holes in peoples’ skulls (trepanation) to cure whatever. As the theory goes the possibility exist that during one of these drilling exercises a patient, screaming in anguish, hit the exact note and volume that it ribbed a hole in the fabric that separates our universes. This is seen as day zero when homeopaths entered our universe and started with the practice of giving patients, zero, as medicine. This is also the likely reason why we can buy homeopathic remedies made from various musical notes (day zero is still celebrated in April each year during Homeopathy Awareness Week.)

Because homeopathic remedies contain zero, a sick person only had to fight the disease. Add to this the well-known placebo effect and it is understandable that people actually thought that it was effective. So, at the time the results were good – no, not really, one should rather say the results of ‘conventional healthcare’ was terrible, but nevertheless, this counterintuitive notion gave these visitors a foot in the door.

homeopathic bicycle
A homeopath illustrating how cycling works in their universe.

Now we are 200 years later. The disease model (disease caused by bacteria, viruses, mutations, ect.) antibiotics and other life-saving medicines and surgical interventions have been developed and is continuously being improved. Science has made huge progress and although not perfect, modern healthcare has brought us tremendous benefits whilst homeopathy is still zero – there has been absolutely no progress whatsoever.

But now for the black part of this comedy. The reason why homeopaths are here is unclear. Some suggest that the portal is only one-way and they simply cannot get back while others have proposed that they have a far more sinister agenda. They were send here to destroy our universe. If you think about it, what is the most powerful weapon out there? It’s not a nuke, it is confusion, and spreading confusion is the one thing that homeopaths excel at. For example: in our universe we have a thing called ‘dose-response curve’ – which in plain language means that a bigger quantity of a specific substance will have a bigger biological effect, up to a point where you overdose and die. But they advocate the exact opposite – the smaller the quantity the bigger the effect. It’s like saying the less money I have the richer I am.

Some suggest that homeopaths are here because cooking is apparently quite difficult in their universe

This implies that the more you dilute a substance the bigger the chance that you might overdose and die, something that has actually been tested when hundreds of people deliberately ‘overdosed’ in protest against politicians and regulators. No biological effect was observed and the call was made to ban these imposters and their ridiculous remedies. But homeopaths are on a mission and they have steadily infiltrated the political elite and the regulators since their arrival 200 years ago.

It is quite easy to see which politicians are from the other side. Politicians saying one thing and doing the exact opposite is in all likelihood from over there. Regulators claiming that they are here to protect the public against fake medicine and then allow these fake medicines to be sold unchecked, have also been infiltrated and are aiding homeopaths to achieve their mission objectives.

Politicians from the other side are sometimes quite easy to spot.

The results of their mission thus far are that more and more people are turning their backs on evidence-based healthcare (of great concern is the growing number of anti-vaxxers) even though many people got hurt and unfortunately many died – and this is the very black part of this comedy. Politicians and regulators seemingly does not give a hoot and finds it okay when adults die at the hands of homeopaths. But sometimes they do act, but only sometimes, and then only when children got hurt or died.

To test and see if they have also infiltrated our bastions of knowledge a.k.a. universities, I popped an email to the Department of Homeopathy, University of Johannesburg. In theory they should be studying why people from our universe continue to fall for homeopathy and they should advise against using it. So, I asked them for some advice about what to give my 7yo son before we enter a malaria region. The answer from UJ, who also runs a Homeopathic clinic for orphans in Soweto, was that I can buy a remedy at a local pharmacy that contains – nothing! Well, to be honest, I first had to translate because sometimes they still speak in their Alien language. So here are their exact ‘words’:

“Arnica montana D30 Arsenicum alb 6ch, 12ch Cinchona off 6ch, 12ch Eupatorium perf 6ch, 30ch Chininum ars 12ch, 30ch Ferrum met 12ch Malaria off 30ch Ledum palustre 30ch”

Some English in there but for the rest gibberish. Fully translated it simply means ‘nothing’. So clearly UJ has been infiltrated (they also have a chiropractic department).

Another university is Western Sydney University and specifically the National Institute of Complementary Medicine (NICM). I have long known that most people working at the NICM are from somewhere else – they are not from our world (because of their weirdness they’ve won the Bent Spoon award in 2017). But what was quite surprising was that they have actually taken over the whole management of the University. Highlighting the issues at the NICM was met with a ‘we could not care less’ attitude. They even promoted the NICM to become a fully-fledged ‘health institute’ from where they are continuing to spread confusion into the world. They have even managed to infiltrate the World Health Organisation who now recommends homeopathy to be integrated with conventional medicine.

So, there we have it. Homeopaths are everywhere and they have no plans to go back to where they came from. We are stuck with some very funny homeopaths and their hilarious ‘remedies’, but at the same time, also the tragedies that plays out in many homes across the globe. For me a very good script for a black comedy, but I am afraid that stopping this madness will be as difficult as finding a portal and sending these quacks back to their universe.

Ten ridiculous, super-gross and weird homeopathic remedies.

To get into the spirit of silly season, why don’t we have a look at the silliest of man’s creations – homeopathy.  So, here goes, enjoy!

A homeopath will take a substance (or an imaginary substance), go into a state of delirium during a process called ‘proving’, dilute the (imaginary) substance into oblivion and then sell it as a remedy to the public – and regulators are happy for them to do so. During the proving stage, they document their ‘symptoms’ which then magically becomes the ‘indications’ listed on the remedy, according to their ‘like-cures-like’ principle. What usually cracks me up is the starting ‘substances’ that they use, what homeopaths claim their remedies work for, and the fact that homeopaths can keep a straight face while explaining or writing about their remedies (read any ‘proving’ document).

Prince Charles
A big fan of homeopathy trying to steal a child’s bubbles because he ran out of Fairy Liquid (dish-washing soap) – yes, they make homeopathic remedies from anything

Due to the immense number and diversity of remedies out there, I’ve decided to create three categories. 1. Ridiculous – the starting material or ‘substance’ is nothing which they then dilute into oblivion; 2. Super-gross – substances where you desperately hope that they did indeed dilute everything into oblivion; 3. Weird – you just cannot understand how homeopaths can think of such stuff (there is a huge number of remedies in this category).

For some of the remedies I’ve copied parts of their ‘provings’ (unedited) so that people who do not understand the stupidity of it all, get a glimpse of what’s going on in the deluded (diluted) minds of homeopaths.  So here is the list (thanks for the many suggestions via Twitter.)

1. Black HoleCygnus X-1

“The remedy was prepared by Rowan Jackson and astronomer, Peter Lipscomb, using an 8″ telescope, Meade LX90 aperture telescope. A vial of alcohol was affixed to the viewing end as the telescope was focused on Cygnus X-1’s location within the Cygnus constellation.  Twenty provers took the remedy administered in 30C potencies.”

Uses:This remedy seems to have a global effect on the body. If you were tracing the sensation under a physical symptom you might expect it to lead to a pulling in or drawing inward, constriction sensation. Headaches are felt as constricting, as if a band or a vise or as if will burst. Heart and chest symptoms are felt as constricting and tightening. Even the extremities can feel tight and constricting. Provers felt their teeth were “drawing inward.” With the drawing in sensation, they would often feel that there was a stone or lump inside (this spot of denseness within their body). Provers had the sensation of a lump or stone in their stomach or abdomen. They could also feel as if there were a “sinking” sensation inside. Often they would explain the sensation as heaviness.”

2. Vacuum

I had a dream…. of being vacuumed. A homeopath dreaming about vacuums

“I had a dream, as usual, and this guy who comes into my dreams, turns up and says, “Nuala, are you aware that vacuum is the space between heaven and earth? Prove Vacuum!” So I woke up and said, “Yeah, right. How?” I thought about it for a number of months and he came back to me in a dream and said, “This is very simple. What you want to do is get a bottle and put some alcohol in it, then vacuum the bottle, and you will get the effect of vacuum on the alcohol.” He has said that type of thing to me before in dreams, like that remedies are the effect of something on alcohol. “

Uses: “I know that a lot of people died in Britain as a result of that flu. So I started giving Vacuum for it and straight away it worked.”

3. Imaginary substances (hard to come by or extremely dangerous substances, such as Plutonium/Uranium, and apparently also ‘Unicorn’)

Photographic evidence that Unicorns do exist

Bearing in mind Crotalus cascavella’s themes of vengeance and desire to kill with a knife, I asked him: “Did you feel like avenging yourself from your wife’s first fling? Would you feel a sense of release if you knifed him in the back? His words immediately evoke in me the theme of the light in Plutonium: he has lost his inner light and refuses the light emanating from others, from outside. Plutonium desires transcendence for itself and for the external world through self-illumination; it wants to be a powerful light which brings order to chaos through its own vibration.”

Uses: hatred, violence, nastiness, godlike, loss of inner light, drugs

4. Dog shit ( ‘Excrementum caninum’ not to be confused with ‘excrementum vaccinium’ a.k.a. bullshit)

Dog shit
A Homeopath’s dog trained to collect important homeopathic ‘substances’. Homeopaths finds this disgusting, hence the dog, but okay to give to the unsuspecting public.

Uses: self-disgust; domination and extreme abuse; suppression of anger with hatred; low self-esteem with dependency; In this remedy, there are dreams/thoughts of excrements and toilets, in contrast to Lac caninum and Lyssinum. Mind; dreams; excrements/dog’s excrements/ toilet; sitting on/ vomiting; excrements; Ailments from sexual abuse and rape, Delusion or image that body parts/ arms/ legs are smaller, and shortened; Dreams of dogs/ cats, felines

5. Condoms (Latex Condom) – New or used? I guess both, because homeopaths really care about the environment; “Rubber is a disposable substance that we use and throw away but it does not just go away. It persists as mountains of burning tyres or as condoms washed up on polluted beaches.”

Uses: feelings of being restricted/claustrophobic; separation/disconnected from people, difficulties with communication, disconnected from feelings etc.

6. Intestinal secretion of a sperm whale (Ambra grisea). It is unknown if homeopaths only use sperm whales who died after ingesting copious quantities of used condoms – see above (homeopaths will then call this a ‘combination remedy’) or if they hunt the poor whales themselves.

Sperm whale
A Homeopath collection a decaying sperm whale’s intestinal fluids and any ingested used condoms

Uses: Its most well-known keynote is mortification from needing to use a public bathroom due to painful shyness. There is an out-of-proportion timidity about being in the presence of strangers or in social situations. It is said that these individuals often experience premature aging, may be globally anxious, and have a propensity for coughs.

7. Syphilis (Leuticum)

Uses: No sooner does night come on than I am a prey to such dreadfully sinful desires that drive me mad (in a woman). And: Weakness or loss of memory, esp. for names; feels as if going insane; terrible dread of the night season owing to aggravation of all symptoms then; despairs of recovery.

8. Berlin Wall (Murus Berlinensis)

Uses: Feeling of being forsaken and separation, huge despair. Oppression (political, family, abuse-sexual, religious, being bullied) and perceiving yourself as victim. Depression, sense of blackness, total isolation, aloneness, despair. Panic, need to escape but can’t. TERROR.

BerlinWall David hasselhoff
I never knew! A famous homeopath, known in Germany as ‘The Hoff’, collecting pieces of the Berlin Wall for the treatment of depression. That it works, is evidenced by The Hoff’s happy (or non-depressed) appearance.


9. South Pole of a Magnet. (Magnetis polus australis – attenuations of media saturated with emanations of the pole.)

Uses: Cough. Dislocation, easy. Frost-bite. Heat, palpitation of. Hernia. Ingrowing toe-nails.  Levitation. Menorrhagia. Varicosis.

10. The note ‘F’ (homeopathic sound remedy Note F in 6X potency) and the colour Blue (or red or whatever colour you feel ‘attracted’ to)

Uses of musical notes; A general diuretic; good for edematous tissues, especially suited for pulmonary and cardiac edema; cardiac regulator and tonic, detoxifier, calmative and tranquilizer. Good for distress, feelings of inner conflict, avoidance of change, and a weakened spirit.

Uses of the colour Blue: A catarrhal remedy, good for sore throats and tired speaking voices; a stimulant to the thyroid and parathyroid; good for substance abuse cases where the patient wants to stop smoking, drinking, or overeating; good for neck and shoulder pain. Good for lack of creative expression, lack of willpower to complete tasks, integrity issues, malicious gossipers, liars, and timid, shy communicators.

Some comments

It is actually impossible to come up with a Top Ten because there are way too many crazy homeopathic remedies out there, such as; dolphin song, radionics, hoover dust, light of Venus (or the moon), pig’s milk (or dolphin’s milk), X-rays, English sun, water (called new water) ‘unicorn’ (“apparently they sit around a vial of water thinking about unicorns to infuse the unicorn energy” – I couldn’t find any references for this one) etc. Therefore, it might be a good idea to prepare an “annual top ten”- listing only remedies that was invented in that given year.

homeopathy explaned

Although these lists are meant to be funny, it does serve the important purpose of creating public awareness. The other side of the coin is that people do get hurt and even die because of homeopathy. Most fatalities are due to neglecting serious medical conditions, but many deaths have also been directly attributed to homeopathic remedies. Homeopaths do use highly toxic substances (arsenic, deadly nightshade etc.) and if they screw up their dilutions, people die – as was tragically shown with the death of 10 infants recently.

It remains to be such a pity that so many politicians, regulators (such as the TGA in Australia – 100% funded by industry incl. homeopaths) and some universities (notably WSU and UJ) simply look the other way, allow homeopaths to continue to mislead the public or even promote homeopathy. The simple reason for this is vested interests, which usually means – money.

The Hogwarts School of Magic is actually in Australia! They even teach you how to ‘fly’ a broom (they really do).

And we thought that the ‘Hogwarts School of Magic’ only existed on the big screen. But, this type of school is actually real. There are quite a number of them currently operating in Australia, where bright-eyed, impressionable teenagers are taught how to manipulate energy fields in order to banish ‘evil spirits’ (or disease), and how to elevate out of their despondent earthly existence into an enchanted state of eternal health and happiness –  like flying for the first time on a broomstick (or smoking a joint). It will therefore come as no surprise, that the game of Quidditch, from the Harry Potter movies, is indeed being played at some of these modern schools of magic. The Tri-wizard cup was even won by Western Sydney University in 2013.  A real-life fantasy world.

Quidditch game

(Quiddich players ‘flying’ in attack formation on their Nimbus 2000 broomsticks)

But there is a problem!

To run around on a field with a broomstick between your legs is, I guess, okay, and not strange at all. It is good exercise, but you are not suddenly going to take off (at least not without a joint), because ‘strangely’ enough this only happens in the movies (or if you are completely stoned). So, for the rest of it, none of it is real – it is all a hoax. And this is now problematic, because all parents would agree that we want the best education for our children. But this is also where we tend to stop our involvement and we do not always ask the important question of; what is actually being taught at these schools? There are many reasons for this, one of them being that we tend to trust that government will protect us from fraudsters. So, when these schools are government funded and regulated, and especially, when they provide them with a stamp of approval via various accreditation schemes, this is usually enough to put our minds at ease – we  trust the system!

Unfortunately, some of these schools provide government accredited courses in magic. For example; children are being taught to manipulate ‘energy’, yes, without a wand (although I am not always so sure), but with the use of needles, crystals and various herbs such as the screaming mandrake (oh no wait, that was in the movie).


Specific examples of these courses include; Bachelor in Chinese medicine, chiropractic and osteopathy at RMIT University, Bachelor of Health Science (Naturopathy – includes homeopathy) at Endeavour College, Bachelor of traditional Chinese medicine at Western Sydney University and Bachelor of Health Science in traditional Chinese medicine at the University of Technology Sydney. The Southern School of Natural Therapies explains that their accredited course in Chinese Medicine; “is an ancient, holistic form of medicine that connects the mind, body, spirit. Chinese medicine believes that the body is made up of Qi – energy which permeates the whole body and flows through our meridians. Chinese medicine aims to stimulate the meridians, producing effects on different organs and systems within the body to restore balance and harmony” – this is pure magic!

This is what our kids are being taught at these schools, and unfortunately, this is pure fantasy because this ‘energy’, which is at the foundation of all of these pseudoscientific healthcare systems, simply do not exist. But, this ‘energy’ do indeed attract large numbers of students, because all of us are fascinated by magic. Regrettably, those students who actually believe in the magic show, tends to pay a significant amount of money to learn ‘magic’, and once they realise that it’s an elaborate government supported hoax, many simply tend to continue practicing magic. Because, by now, they have incurred a lot of debt, they have lost a lot of time, and they don’t want to be branded a drop-out or loser (sure, there will also be true believers amongst them). Hence, the problem of modern day ‘medical magicians’ will continue to be with us and might even surge, if the government continue to legitimise it via their various accreditation schemes.

And this brings me to accreditation, which is arguably a big part of the problem. The Council of Australian Governments (COAG) recently invited submissions for their “Independent Review of Accreditation Systems within the National Registration and Accreditation Scheme for health professions”. The ‘Friends of Science in Medicine’ (FSM) organisation did submit a detailed report highlighting their many concerns when accreditation is given to these schools of magic. This report was unfortunately deemed ‘out of scope’ by the COAG Health Council which implies that they are quite happy to continue to mislead students and their parents (and this can destroy families), as well as the patients who are on the receiving end of these completely ineffective magical treatments. Many patients do indeed get hurt and some even die, as was tragically illustrated by a practitioner whose magical ‘Slapping Therapy’ did not cure a 6yo boy from his type-1 diabetes.

Below you will find the Executive Summary of FSMs submission (with permission), and here you can find the full submission.  But the question remains; why do the government continue to bestow undue credibility and continue to legitimise ‘medical magic’ by providing accreditation to these courses in Australia?

“Executive Summary

Accreditation is antecedent to, and inextricably bound together with, practitioner registration. This submission raises concerns about registered alternative medicine (AltMed) practitioners, accusing the present accreditation system of failing to protect the public through its legitimising poor quality, belief-based, rather than evidence-based, education and on-going training of chiropractors, osteopaths and Chinese medicine/acupuncturists.

FSM is aware that some higher education institutes and continuing professional development courses give credibility to pseudoscience. Examples of pseudoscience include chiropractic (subluxation theory, Kinesiology, Retained Neonatal Reflex and Webster Technique, osteopathy (Osteopathy of the Cranial Field and Visceral Manipulation) and Chinese Medicine (Acupuncture and the teaching of “Qi”, energy blockages that cause disease, as a fact).

FSM also remains concerned with the accreditation process supervised by AHPRA and its Boards.

FSM alleges that:

A. the training of registered AltMed practitioners:

  1. is of low quality;
  2. is based on pseudo-scientific concepts that reject germ theory as the cause of disease;
  3. teach invalid diagnostic technique;
  4. includes potentially dangerous interventions, continued in the ongoing training of practitioners;
  5. wastes considerable public funding allocated to universities which teach these unscientific courses; and
  6. compromises our universities’ reputation within Australia and internationally.

B. thousands of false and misleading claims on AltMed websites breach the National Law. This report demonstrates that registered AltMed practitioners:

  1. are poorly trained;
  2. are not competent to treat patients;
  3. delay correct diagnosis and evidence-based therapies thereby allowing progression of disorders;
  4. may cause harm;
  5. waste millions of health dollars;
  6. undermine the efforts of evidence-based practitioners in their communities;
  7. do not, in respect of exaggerated claims and advertising, behave in an ethical manner;
  8. create considerable confusion for patients with chronic ailments; and
  9. focus their ongoing training on building their practices rather than on the needs of patients.
  10. This report also raises concerns about pseudoscience-based courses, that may attract VET-help fees, such as reflexology, homeopathy, aromatherapy and reiki, that are advertised on Government websites.

C. Government websites are providing undeserved credibility for discredited AltMed.

Underserved credibility is given to discredited AltMed courses including Reflexology, Aromatherapy, Homeopathy, Naturopathy and Reiki that may attract VET-help fees and are advertised on Government training websites.

Using acupuncture as an example, along with valid research findings, informed opinions and advice from medical experts, this report investigates the teachings in one high-profile accredited course and the impact and costs of this intervention on health care. While this report focuses on acupuncture, the same concerns can be extrapolated to other domains of pseudo-science, which is in both accredited university and continuing professional development courses. It also recommends that the scope of practice of AltMed practitioners should be limited to what they can advertise, to further protect patients from invalid diagnosis and belief-based interventions.

While ALL unregistered AltMed practitioners are NOT practicing any form of evidence-based medicine, (reflexology, iridology etc), there are thousands of registered practitioners, bound by the National Law to practice care that is evidence-based, who are practicing pseudoscience. The scope of the recent NHMRC review of natural therapies EXCLUDED interventions offered by registered practitioners on the basis that consumer protection was available through the AHPRA scheme.

This report highlights the millions of health dollars wasted by the Government funding of AltMed teachings and practices. Nearly $220 million was spent on acupuncture, chiropractic and osteopathy through Medicare from July 2011 to June 2016.

AltMed practitioners, who reject evidence-based medicine and over-service patient with placebo interventions are not the ‘right people’ to address patient needs, now and in the future.”

Superfoods (& most complementary meds). They all come with the same steaming side dish: a hearty helping of bullshit.

A bit of humour to let off some steam, but also to continue to battle the flood of misleading information regarding complementary and alternative medicines (CAM). Because, who wants me to explain how CAM is regulated in Australia? ‘Booooring’, ‘yaaawn’, ‘move on mate’ – I can hear you say. Short answer; no one.  So, how can one get this important, albeit boring, information regarding how we are being misled, to as many people as possible? Well, humour might play an interesting role, because everyone loves a good laugh. But then again, how can anyone squeeze any humour out of such a dreary subject? Luckily, there are some exceptionally gifted people, who can do exactly that. Not only can they give this subject a hilarious spin, they can also get the complicated message across – and hopefully many people will learn from this while enjoying some very good comedy.

And it even gets better, because it is all on youtube. I have listed a couple of videos where the consumer program “The Checkout” looked at various aspects regarding CAM regulation and misleading claims made for specific supplements, including superfoods. Sure, the focus is on Australian issues, but the CAM industry in other countries use very similar techniques  – so these videos are perfect for anyone who wants a good laugh, and learn something while doing so. Below is a short description and the total length of each video.

  1. The Australian Complementary Medicines industry is worth over $1.2 billion a year. But do manufacturers have to prove their products work? Or is a celebrity endorsement enough? Craig Reucassel looks into these questions and more. You can find the video here, length 8:47min. (they were sued for defamation based on this segment).
  2. Pharma Sutra: Seems you can buy anything at a pharmacy these days. But are pharmacists breaking their own code of conduct? You can find the video here, length 7:32 min.
  3. Chlorophyll: Kirsten Drysdale throws stones in the chlorophyll glasshouse. You can find the video here, length 3:20 min.
  4. Nicole Kidman Joins The Checkout + Dodgy Swisse Labelling: Consumer affairs Ambassador Nicole Kidman speaks out for the first time about her Swisse ads. And Craig follows up The Checkout’s first investigation into dodgy labelling of complementary medicines, analysing Swisse’s dodgy reaction to their dodgy products being banned. You can find the video here, length 2:30 min.
  5. Swisse update: Craig looks at Swisse’s push for more self-regulation in the advertising of complementary medicines. You can find the video here, length 3:32 min.
  6. Superfoods: They’re ancient, exotic, jam-packed full of antioxidants, and all come with the same steaming side dish: a hearty helping of bullshit. You can find the video here, length 9:00 min.
  7. Fish Oil: Kirsten Drysdale finds something fishy in the world of omega-3 supplements. You can find the video here, length 9:00 min.
  8. U. Tube: Howdy Partner! A special welcome to the ABC’s new commercial partner, Swisse, with a trip down memory lane! You can find the video here, length 1:27 min.

The patriarch of the supplement company Swisse, who features in many of these videos, did sue the Checkout for defamation after video 1 aired, but the case was eventually settled. And as expected, Swisse just continue to sell their dodgy products, using very dodgy claims. Enjoy the videos, and if it is any good please distribute their links via your network!

What can you do about the flood of misinformation re CAMs?

Well, if you are not a politician, Vice Chancellor or work for the regulators, to be honest, not much. One obvious thing that anyone can easily do, is to stop supporting unproven and disproven complementary, alternative and integrative therapies and medicines, even if it might look like harmless interventions (a balanced diet, exercise and drinking enough water is far more beneficial than all these complementary medicines combined – and it’s a lot cheaper).

Another important thing that anyone can do is to inform yourself, because you, or a member of your extended family or friends, will sometime during your lifetime be confronted with fake medicines or fake medical practitioners. The problem is that these people are so good that they can sell ice to an Eskimo, and hence, they can mislead anyone; your age, level of education etc. does not matter. To be well informed will be your only defence.

A very good source of valuable information, with an Australian focus, is the group called ‘Friends of Science in Medicine’ (FSM). They are doing excellent work by providing accurate information regarding healthcare, but they are also doing much more than that. They are trying very hard to persuade Australian universities, politicians and regulators to stop their support of pseudoscientific healthcare systems – to fulfill their gatekeeper role. To join the 1100 concerned academics/healthcare professionals you can add your voice by becoming a friend of FSM or follow them on Twitter (@FriendsOfSciMed) or FaceBook. Their newsletters detailing all of their efforts also comes highly recommended. You can subscribe here.

A second valuable source of information is the website of Prof. Edzard Ernst in the UK. Prof Ernst was the first professor of complementary medicine (now retired), but luckily also happens to be a real scientist. He has many decades of experience, which he now shares via his website. This information is invaluable and deals with specific complementary medicines but also with how people around the globe are being misled by pseudoscientists. He has also written many books written in a style that anyone can understand (info on his website) dealing with this subject – it comes highly recommended. Twitter @EdzardErnst

You can also continue to read about my attempts to explain how the minds of pseudoscientists work, and what they are trying to achieve. Although my focus is on the NICM, many universities around the world have similar Institutes who’s modus operandi is exactly the same as the NICMs. You can follow my blog at ( or Twitter (@frank_kooy) or connect on LinkedIn. A simple and easy thing to do is to use the ‘Like’ function, because algorithms pick up on the number of likes which leads to the article being made available to a wider audience, and thereby creating more public awareness regarding these issues.

Endangered animals as homeopathic medicine for the treatment of loneliness. A new approach to save the Rhino.

Sometimes you can find the most amazing things on internet. And this is one of those things. My previous article reported on the sharp increase in Rhino poaching, partly caused by the increased need for raw materials in order to fuel the pseudoscientific TCM market, and the role that Western Sydney University might be playing in all of this. You can find it here. But how to solve the Rhino poaching crises? Well, help is coming from an unexpected corner.

I asked myself a simple question; do Western pseudoscientific healthcare systems (e.g. homeopathy) also use endangered animals in their “medicine”? Why not? Using their groundbreaking principle of ‘like-cures-like’ they diluted pieces of the Berlin wall, which made people depressed, to infinity and made “medicine” for the treatment of, you guessed it, depression. So why not use endangered animals? One can argue that these animals are becoming lonelier and lonelier, as they are being hunted to extinction, so maybe a good opportunity to develop a homeopathic medicine for the treatment of loneliness!

Therefore, to solve the Rhino poaching problem look no further than the ancient pseudoscientific Western healthcare system called homeopathy. Believe it or not, just as TCM is growing in popularity in Western countries, so is homeopathy growing in popularity in Asian countries, especially in India. Below is a description of a wonderful new book where the solution to Rhino poaching is eloquently described. Apply the homeopathic principles of diluting a single rhino horn into oblivion in order to save the Rhino – problem solved! Hence, one horn would be enough to supply the whole world of this much needed ‘medicine’ –  indefinitely. And you only have to kill one Rhino instead of the current 1200 per year!!

Start of book description:

“It is with great joy that I welcome the arrival of this groundbreaking book about one of the world’s premier healing traditions, Practical Homeopathy by my colleague Prof. Steve An Xue and his assistants.

The comparative introduction of homeopathy to China via the lens of classical Chinese medicine is a natural one, for the following compelling reasons:

  1. Chinese medicine and homeopathy share similar philosophies, such as the belief in the healing power of nature, and the resonance between macrocosm and microcosm (tian ren heyi)
  2. Both systems employ sophisticated methods of pattern differentiation (bianzheng); centering them around the individual and the signs and symptoms s/he presents, in contrast to the modern focus on diagnosing disease (bianbing)
  3. Both are centered around the concept of energy medicine, rather than the more matter oriented concepts of modern medicine such as anatomy and biochemistry
  4. Both are highly practical, and reflect the four principles that the Qing dynasty physician Wang Qingren once proposed as the hallmark of true medicine for the Chinese people: it must be easily available, affordable, and effective at the same time.
  5. Both abide by the guiding principle of safety: “first, do no harm” (as the beginning of a naturopathic medicine physician oath goes). Many progressive European and American mothers have a homeopathy first aid kit at home, often supplemented with Chinese herbal cold/flu remedies (i.e., Yin Qiao San) and herbs for external injuries (i.e., Yunnan Baiyao).

As a type of “energy” medicine, the field of homeopathy is not without controversy in the context of Western medical discussions. However, similar to the process wherein Chinese medicine was able to stand the test of modern science, the clinical efficacy of homeopathic medicine has been validated by a host of clinical research during the last 30 years. Furthermore, just like educated Chinese felt drawn to the profession of traditional scholar-physician, it were especially the brighter minds among Western doctors who were captivated by the theory and practice of homeopathy. It appears that the endeavor of discerning the laws of nature by way of cohesive pattern differentiation has been found to be both aesthetically pleasing and intellectually stimulating by illuminated minds in East and West.

As a much younger medical science that does not have the same extensive theoretical underpinning as classical Chinese medicine, homeopathy can surely benefit from a comparison with the traditional knowledge systems of China. On the other hand, the clinical practice of homeopathy reflects the core principles of Chinese medicine in the most radical way—a way that is progressively being forgotten in China itself—and thus can potentially reinvigorate the future path of Chinese medicine. By witnessing the often astonishing clinical results of homeopathy and understanding that the power of this modality is intimately connected to the same principles that Chinese medicine was once founded upon, Chinese medicine practitioners in the age of East-West Integration Medicine (zhongxiyi jiehe) can hopefully be inspired to take a fresh look at the most ancient and most fundamental theoretical principles of their own profession.

As Prof. Xue will explain in detail in this concise volume, it is one of the prime characteristics of homeopathy that its remedies are most powerful when administered in high potencies, when an herbal remedy has been diluted to the point that no trace of matter can be detected in the tincture or pellet anymore. This is a most dramatic manifestation of the traditional Chinese concept that consciousness governs energy, and energy governs matter. Homeopathy, in essence, administers the energetic and spiritual essence of a plant or mineral or animal substance to affect a patient’s physical and emotional health. Furthermore, it is a typical feature of homeopathy that it will only work when the remedy and the individual patterns of the patient are a complete match. This trait realizes the core belief of Chinese and other ancient medical systems that nature and the body express itself in a consistent pattern language. If that pattern language can be correctly deciphered—an art that is progressively eroding—every disease pattern can be neutralized by a corresponding pattern in the natural world.

In addition, the integration of homeopathy into the deep spectrum of natural healing modalities in China holds the following promises:

  1. The power of strong acting natural compounds can be harnessed safely. Few traditional physicians have the knowledge and confidence anymore to prescribe toxic ingredients such as arsenic (peishuang), realgar (xionghuang), aconite (fuzi), (badou) and (qiyeyizhihua). Homeopathy can deliver the energetic pattern of these ingredients without the toxicity that resides in the chemistry of these substances.
  2. Chinese herbs tend to be prescribed at ever increasing dosages, causing extinction and availability problems. Through the dilution method of homeopathy, rare or valuable ingredients such as rhino horn (xijiao) or bear gallbladder (xiongdan) can be used inexpensively without threatening natural resources. America’s largest laboratory for the production of homeopathic remedies, Hahnemann Labs, for instance, recently made an exceedingly rare fungus that grows only on 1% of 1,000 year old coffins and is used successfully in Southern Chinese folk medicine for the easing of pain from bone metastases into a homeopathic remedy—making it available for generations of practitioners to use.
  3. The marriage of Chinese cosmology and homeopathic prescribing has unlimited potential. To give an example: On the organ clock of Chinese medicine, the shaoyang gallbladder system is located in the position of midnight and the 11th lunar month of the year, a point that traditional Chinese science has marked with the earthly branch Zi, or the corresponding animal symbol of the Rat. Based on this uniquely Chinese insight, an accomplished American homeopath I know often uses the homeopathic remedy Rat’s Blood for certain manifestations of shaoyang disorder, and achieves excellent results.
  4. While the materia medica of Chinese medicine represents a science that features unprecedented detail in comparison to other natural healing systems, homeopathy can further enhance this knowledge base by its unique descriptions of how a substance’s therapeutic effect changes at different potencies–what happens when a mother tincture of an herb is diluted 6 times, versus 30 times, versus 200 times, versus 1000 times.
  5. The recent development of electronic homeopathy, utilizing digitized vibrations of human tissues, pathogens, and pollutants, has made it possible to diagnose and treat certain diseases in a quick and minimally invasive manner. This method can help to treat most specifically while a simultaneous Chinese medicine treatment can treat the more general and systemic reasons for disease, for instance by neutralizing a certain virus directly while Chinese herbs address the “toxicity” of the body’s terrain.

Finally, I would like to repeat my strong conviction in the creative genius of the Chinese people, which I have already mentioned in the preface to Prof. Xue’s previous book.

Due to the symbol-oriented nature of homeopathy—originally a key feature of Eastern thinking—many of the world’s best homeopaths are already of Eastern descent. Greece, and especially India has boasted a vital homeopathic tradition for years, featuring many master practitioners and specialty hospitals. For a variety of complex reasons, possibly including the presence of a native healing tradition of sheer inexhaustible depth, the clinical master science of homeopathy has not yet made inroads into China. I trust, however, that the time is ripe to see the combination of China’s human resources and the clinical genius of the Chinese mind thrive to give birth to some of the worlds greatest homeopaths, benefiting both the health of the Chinese people and the world.”

End of book description

To list all the things that are completely wrong/misleading/misguided here would take me a lifetime. But a negative multiplied by a negative gives a positive. In this case multiplying the nothingness of homeopathy with the decimation of the rhino population at the hands of TCM practitioners, equals the survival of the Rhino. But then again, how many people will die because of homeopathy or the believe that Rhino horn is an ‘effective’ medicine? Well, that number will remain the same.

What does a car and complementary medicine have in common? More than you know!

How to explain the complex world of complementary, alternative and integrative medicine in simple terms?

Recently the supplement company Blackmores opened their own Wellness centre where your brainwaves can be analysed upon which a “qualified” naturopath will prescribe you your much needed “meds”. Blackmores is also planning to place naturopaths in pharmacies across Sydney in order to “integrate” their products with conventional medicine. Inspired by these developments I decided to write this analogy in order to try and make sense out of this madness.

Mass intrigue and fascination

One afternoon I was strolling down the street when I came across a glitzy new car showroom. Fascinated and intrigued by the stunning car designs and the low prices, I suddenly found myself in the packed showroom talking to a young, very healthy looking, salesperson.  He started his sales pitch by ensuring me that these new cars have taken the world by storm. In fact, it is so popular that very soon a salesperson will be stationed in every car showroom across town – even in showrooms of other car manufacturers! While still contemplating the logic of this, he explained that the main advantage giving them the edge over their competitors, was that their cars are powered by the “indespectus” engine. Although this sounded impressive, and while trying to figure out what the word means, he started to list all the amazing benefits. The indespectus engine is the sole contributor to the cars revolutionary low maintenance costs, making it the most cost effective car by a mile.  The car also comes with an exceptional safety record with very few injuries or fatalities recorded.  And this is not all! The whole car is manufactured from recyclable material making it all natural, and natural is good. “We are natural; the car is natural – it is a perfect fit!” On top of that it does not even need a single drop of dirty old fossil fuels. After this barrage of astonishing facts the salesman pompously started with his final assault; “It is cheap, it is cost effective, it is safe, it is all natural, …..” while I was starting to think that this is all too good to be true.

Some apprehension and a change of tactics

Although the design of the car was absolutely beautiful with all the modern add-ons one can hope for, and even with all the benefits as listed by the salesman, I was still not convinced. Something was amiss. The word indespectus was still bothering me. Doesn’t spectus mean “visible” and inde “in-” making the new car technology “invisible”. Is this possible? Are they knowingly selling the public a car without an engine? Noticing my apprehension, the salesman quickly changed tack and made a stern reference to the thousands of people dying on our roads in conventional cars. They are not only dangerous, they are also expensive and made of unnatural synthetic materials and thus they do not really work. He assured me that conventional car manufacturers are only there to make huge profits and therefore they are dreading this new innovative indespectus technology – it will simply put them out of business.  He continued with the cherry on the cake – these cars are also endorsed and used by royalty, movie and sports stars and even your odd university professor! Knowing that these people are actually being paid in one way or the other to endorse an engineless car, I decided to risk a critical question. “Will this car get me to hospital in case of a medical emergency?”

Not used to being asked such critical questions and having exhausted his armoury of sales tricks, some experience was urgently needed to clinch this deal. An older very healthy looking manager with an award winning PhD in various indespectus car designs, thus arrived at the scene. After some deliberation the answer from the manager was a crystal clear, yes! Our indespectus cars will be able to get you to hospital, followed by some gobbledygook that sounded like “evidence-based” and “a growing body of scientific literature”. The manager assured me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about and continued that there is scientific evidence that when your indespectus car is towed by a conventional car, called complementing or integrating with a conventional car, then you will get to hospital in time. And it even gets better. Being towed means that you still have all the added benefits of the indespectus car and thus you might feel slightly better than the person driving the tow truck.

Another salesman, also known as “the disciple”, who overheard his colleagues desperate bid to sell me an engineless car, joined the conversation by asserting that there is a growing body of evidence that the indespectus engine can power the car independently and hence it is a viable alternative to a conventional car. Not only that, the car will get you to hospital way faster and, importantly, without any of the risks associated with a conventional car. Being a scientist and not wanting to upset “the disciple” too much I responded that “this is just not possible and it is highly improbable bull….” – but the disciple condescendingly finished my sentence for me with “science cannot explain everything”, followed by boastfully claiming that sometime in future a new revolutionary style of science will be able to explain the power of propulsion of the indespectus engine. It is only a matter of time!

The sales team stood perplexed and looked a bit dejected because their sales pitch, in which they received extensive training for many years at some universities, is usually enough to convince just about everyone to buy an indespectus powered car and to promote it to their neighbours, family and even their own children. But for me as an unbiased scientist it just showed too many similarities with “the Emperor’s new clothes”.

The few that flee

Sensing that the sales team are getting worried about the impact that I am having on other customers, and hence their sales figures, and that they are planning an exit strategy to escort this troublemaker off the premises, I decided to make a run for it.  Fleeing the packed showroom, I could not help but think of the impact that this engineless car will have on society. Is it not maybe better to first show that the car works before you sell it? Or, as I suspect, are they using their sales figure as their main “scientific evidence” that the car actually works. And why do so few people look under the bonnet and see the engineless car for what it is? How then can I convince politicians, regulatory agencies, universities and the public that an engineless car will not be able to get you to hospital, faster and without any risks, as compared to a conventional car? Or will it again take a young child, without any vested emotional or financial interests, to tell the Emperor that he is naked or that the indespectus car does not have an engine.

There is an unknown number of skeletons around the world sitting in an engineless car of people who were unable to get to hospital in time while there is a known number of people who died in a car crash on their way to hospital. The death toll of the former is arguably higher than the latter. The main benefit of a conventional car is that it will take you from point A to point B, granted there will always be risks involved but without this benefit there is a nothing. The take home message? Buying an engineless car to make you feel better, with its superior upholstery or sound system, for if you have a headache or if you are down in the dumps is causing other people to die! Why? Because the industry uses their sales figure, and you are part of it, as their primary weapon to infiltrate universities, do mass marketing and use it as their primary “evidence” that the car can actually move. If so many people buy it then surely it must be working! – no it does not work! Stop buying it!

Question is; does this analogy work?

The National Institute of Complementary Medicine nominated for the Bent Spoon award. The word “piffle” explained

The Bent Spoon Award is an annual award of the Australian Skeptics Society bestowed upon the most worthy “perpetrator of the most preposterous piece of paranormal or pseudo-scientific piffle.The question should be asked if they (the National Institute of Complementary Medicine (NICM)) would be worthy recipients of such a prestigious award. And what is then the “piffle” that they are guilty of? To explain “piffle” I need to refer to all of my previous blog posts regarding the NICM whereas only one aspect needs to be explained in a bit more detail. What does the word “piffle” mean?

I have used the phrase “known knowns” to explain the possible causal link between the (over)use of supplements and the gradual increase in western diseases. In short: we know that we need specific known nutrients in our food to survive. We also know that food contains other substances but we do not always know what role these substances play (their role is unknown). And then there are the unknown substances in food and because they are unknown it is also unknown if they play any important role or not. If we use supplements we only focus on the known knowns and we ignore the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns – and this might cause a public health issue.

But what does this have to do with the bent spoon award and the word “piffle”? The phrase “known knowns” was made famous by Donald Rumsfeld while explaining the difficulties experienced in the Iraqi war.  Whilst he received praise from some corners regarding his ability to explain complex issues in simple terms, some detractors of the Iraqi war pointed out that there is actually a fourth category; the “unknown knowns.”  The unknown knowns “…are that which we intentionally refuse to acknowledge that we know” and “….what we know, what we do not know, what we cannot know, but Rumsfeld left out what we do not like to know.”

A public statement describing an “unknown known” is thus piffle. A statement made by professors who knows exactly what e.g. homeopathy is, what the risks and “benefits” are, but they refuse to acknowledge this because for them it is “unknown”.  When experienced scientists are warned about the damage that some complementary medicines are causing and yet they continue to support and defend it simply because their funding depends on it, then the public should expect a lot of “piffle” from them.

A wonderful short explanation of what homeopathy is can be found below. Many other sources explain exactly what homeopathy is (including some tongue in cheek examples) and in some parts of the world, universities have even started to close down homeopathy training courses – rightfully so. The NICM and Western Sydney University is fully aware of this and yet they will spend a lot of time and effort, funded in part by the taxpayer, to come up with a lot of “piffle” in order to ignore this. The question can be asked: if they ignore homeopathy in this way, what kind of “piffle” can we expect from them regarding all other complementary medicines? Therefore, in my view, the NICM will be worthy recipients of the bent spoon award.

homeopathy explained image